Thursday, July 02, 2009


NUFC Jam has been replaced by "The Rise of the Toon"


"As fans of Newcastle United, we get a pretty rough ride. Constantly taken the p*ss out of by the press, constantly taken the p*ss out of by the owner and constantly taken the p*ss out of by our players. The latter two were ultimately responsible for our thoroughly deserved demotion from the top flight.

We didn't slip out the trapdoor, we crashed straight out the exit. The fact that it went down to the last game, to be honest, made us look good. But, our failure to rival the questionable talents of Hull City was quite frankly disgusting. Phil Brown's on-pitch party karaoke after their defeat to Manchester United reserves finally confirmed to me that he is infact a deluded prat. After only one win in 2009, it is completely correct to say that Hull City only stayed up because we, Newcastle United, were just that little bit sh*tter. There were 13 poor teams in the Premier League last season (that's those who finished from 8th-20th) none more so than ourselves.

Mike Ashley and his pals have done a pretty horrendous job, and in some ways you can feel for the players with the departure of Keegan, the incredible arrival of Joe Kinnear and his subsequent demise. But, that 'team' display at Villa Park on the 24th May, with everything to play for against a team running in second gear, was absolutely nothing short of horrific. For those of us who live and breathe Newcastle United - it really hurt.

So what is this blog about? The answer is simple. We're at our lowest point for many years and following our relegation, the only way is up, right? Read here for celebrations of the departure of Mike Ashley, the appointment of Alan Shearer, the building of a fresh and hungry squad and finally, a title-winning season. Maybe. Here it shall be documented - the rise of the Toon!

The 'L' word ('Leeds') is banned."

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

On Holiday

NUFC Jam is taking a well earned holiday and will return on Monday 30th October.

By then Newcastle will have played Bolton, Fenerbahce, Middlebrough, Portsmouth and Charlton. Who knows what state we'll be in by then?

Just a quick mention of Scott Parker, who started for England, well done that man!

Good bye and good luck.

Friday, October 06, 2006

When will we see you again?

I'm happy at Cardiff and I want to be part of a team which earns promotion and run out at the new stadium when it's ready," said Chopra.

"One day, though, I would love to play for Newcastle United again. That would be my dream.

"I look at myself. I'm a Cardiff City player and happy to be part of what is happening here in South Wales.

"But I had to leave the club I supported as a boy just to get a regular game.

"I will do everything I can to help City earn promotion to The Premiership and I'll be proud if I contribute to that.

"But, eventually, I'd love to play at St James' Park again."

We want Wor Chopra back!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

The long and winding road...

Michael Owen is back in black, and white. He no longer needs crutches and was shown doing some knee exercises with a football at his feet on SkySports News the other day. So if he can do that now, why is he out for so long? I understand that his knee won't be ready for full use for a while because he will have lost a lot of strength in his legs, but if they operation is done, surely it is done...

"The Anterior Cruciate Ligament lies deep within the knee joint, connecting the thigh bone with the shin bone. Its function is to prevent excessive forward movement of the shin in relation to the thigh and also to prevent excessive rotation at the knee joint. The ACL can be injured in several different ways, most notably by landing from a jump onto a bent knee then twisting, or landing on a knee that is over-extended. In collision sports, direct contact of the knee from opponents can cause damage to the ACL."

I have read that there is not much pain involved in the whole thing. When the ligament snaps, thats all you feel, a snap. A player may feel able to continue playing until the ACL is actually put under strain, which would then cause the knee cap to become seriously unstable.

In the case of individuals who are involved in a high level of sport where a degree of instability is functionally unacceptable, surgical reconstruction of the ligament is the surest way to restore normal function. After the surgery takes place, the knee is not stable until five or six months afterwards. So hopefully we can expect our arguably most key player back in his boots for March, maybe returning to play in April.

This will take looong time.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Who are ya?

"Despite representing England frequently at Under-21 level, he has yet to make the transition to the full team due to frequent unexplainable lapses in concentration whilst playing"

"Often in incredibly bad positions that simply cannot be explained"

"He was at the heart of everything Everton did well in the 1-1 draw with Newcastle. The Magpies defender let his man go on multiple occasions, failed to make key tackles, could have concede a penalty, stood and watched as Tim Cahill headed Everton's goal at the back post and then got sent-off......this is Team Of The Weak isn't it?"

"He always manages to make a crucial mistake at a time when any other team would beable to deal with the attack"

"His absence is a blessing in one regard in that he's always likely to make a mistake that costs a goal."

And who might those quotes be referring to? The malarchy that is Titus Malachi Bramble.

What has Titus got? The answer: Everything. He can tackle, he has pace, he has height, he is strong and is a menace in the opposition penalty area. Unfortunately he is a menace in his own penalty area too. Whenever Newcastle concede a goal the question is always "Where was Titus Bramble?"

His positioning is appalling at least half the time and judging by his body language and facial expressions, at 26, Titus Bramble is never going to be a dominant centre-half. Craig Moore must dread playing with the guy, he always, without fail, makes some sort of awful error which that I hold my breath and pray whenever he is on the ball or the ball is travelling towards him.

I know it isn't good that I'm taking this attitude about our own player and believe me I'd be delighted for the lad if he got his concentration sorted out. But right now he is not good enough and should be in the team never. He is coming to the end of his contract and although I'd wish him all the best and follow his progress, I would be pleased if he left.

It seems that his lack of concentration is an unrepairable fault. When I play football, albeit at a much, much, much, much lesser level, no matter what is going on outside of the game, all I am thinking about for the whole game is football. I might make some mistakes, but concentration is not a problem for me. In such a high pressure environment, getting it right can be the only thing on your mind.

Based on ability, he could be the first name of the team-sheet, but based on personality and concentration he shouldn't even look at the team-sheet.

Something must be done.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Justice is done

The way it should be.

A well earned congratulations to Scott Parker who has finally got his England call up. I'm pretty sure he should be chosen over Carrick or Jenas every single time but our man is replacing the similar in style Owen Hargreaves, who I believe overall Parker is better than, though perhaps not as versatile. One thing has been clear since Big Mac took over, our new England boss knows what hes doing and hopefully this is the first in a long line of a call ups for our inspirational captain fantastic. In my opinion, he can do no wrong.
Scotty Parker now plays for the two best football teams on the planet, Newcastle & England.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Through and through

Thats better, we scored some. Obafemi Martins with two great goals demonstrating his ability to head, shoot and somersault. Despite some people claiming otherwise its quite a common occurence these days that we score after a corner. Emre the usual provider. Emre was unlucky not to get man of the match tonight, but new boy Martins deserves some credit for his very neat double.

On nights like this I remember why I spend hours of my life arguing that Newcastle aren't sh*t. We played pretty well, especially the second half and Harper again responsible for a goal conceded despite being solid for the rest of the game.

If Martins scores three goals per month until the end of the season he will have 24 goals, we will see!

Titus Bramble wasn't really troubled tonight but still managed one mistake in his otherwise solid display. Steven Taylor slipped at an unlucky time but was otherwise fantastic and Stephen Carr continued his very good play. Peter Ramage proved that he is not left-back, and that is our biggest worry for Sunday. Thanks very much Babayaro.

NUFC Jam points update

The top three are shown to the right, but here is the full leaderboard:

  1. Scott Parker [24]
  2. Emre [23]
  3. Shola Ameobi [19]
  4. Damien Duff [17]
  5. Obafemi Martins [14]